The idea of settling with someone has been continually reinforced to me over the past few weeks. I am surrounded by people who are settling with significant others because they feel they have to (or need to). Then today, I was catching up on my blog reading – and Le Love (one of my favourite blogs) posted the below picture.
I am not an expert on relationships. I make mistakes – all the time. As of late, I continually date the wrong people. Dating the wrong people is okay though, marrying the wrong person is a whole other story. What do I know though…? I will never settle. Are you thinking never say never? From the bottom of my heart, I would 100% rather be single then be unhappy.
I look at settling in a relationship in 2 ways:
1) You settle because you are incapable of being single. You can’t function without a significant other. You perform better in all aspects of your life when in a relationship. [I'm having trouble even writing this down, as I feel this option is absolute garbage.] You are dependent on another person, so much so, that when you are not in a relationship, your life falls apart. More about why I think it’s important to enjoy being single can be found here.
2) You settle because you don’t think you will find someone better. You find someone. For the most part, she/he is a good significant other. You laugh together, enjoy each others presence, etc etc. But there is something missing… maybe she/he doesn’t listen when you speak or doesn’t understand the value of a small please and thank you or disrespects people that mean the world to you. Maybe that missing something revolves around career, finances, or your love for travel. It doesn’t matter what it is – the point is, in your heart you know its missing. But you are afraid to end your current relationship as you’re not sure you’ll be able to find another one. You worry that the clock is ticking. You worry about what others might think…
Let me give you an example on the last point… I have a few friends who have recently come out of bad, messy relationships and are now with someone new. This new person is the complete opposite of their ex, fulfilling them in a different way than they had in the past. They think – “Wow, this guy is so great; I’ve never been respected before.” UH. WHAT? Being respected as a human being is a minimum criteria when it comes to a friend, let alone a significant other. They were unfulfilled for so long, they have no concept of what they deserve.
I was recently told that I will never (I know… never!) find someone who will meet my expectations. Gasp. I will never meet someone who embodies the word “exceptional”… I will be forced to settle. First of all, I don’t believe my expectations are high!! Secondly, it’s not in my nature to settle (in any aspect of my life). Thirdly, why SETTLE? I believe settling is giving you temporary happiness, but setting you up for failure!! I value motivation, respect, compassion, support, and honesty. But who doesn’t? Andddd…. why would you ever want to be in a relationship with someone identical to yourself?
Sometimes people make me shake my head…. moving on…
Is there such thing as “the one”? My belief is that their isn’t one person for everyone in the world – there are many. So what if it takes you a few tries to find a good one for you? Who cares if you don’t have the white picket fence, 2.5 children, and small dog?
Is that what’s really important?
It’s important to love and be loved. It’s important to be fulfilled mentally, physically, and emotionally.
“There is no passion to be found playing small — in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” – Nelson Mandela
In life, career, and relationships, I truly believe we are all capable of great things. We should not be striving for perfect and the expectations that others put on us. We should be striving for happiness and personal well-rounded fulfillment.
Listen to your instincts, give yourself some credit, and settle for what you deserve. ❤