Finding My Groove

via She Takes on the World

I’m feeling a lot of pressure these days to figure out my life.

What do I want to be in 1 year, 3 years, 5 years? What do I want to do?

What’s weird about this is that I am NOT that person who plans her future. Yes, I plan my week, my month and next 6 months. I’ve always been the employee (and maybe girlfriend actually) who gets anxiety over talking about anything past 12 months. It’s not that I can’t commit or don’t want to — it’s that I want to live in the present. From a career perspective, I’ve always considered opportunities as they have been presented and then decided my game plan. I follow both my company and my best interest. From a relationship perspective, I’m 27 years old and the last thing I want right now is marriage and babies. Life constantly changes and no one can predict someone’s next move. By centering myself on the present, I have less expectation of others and push myself to live a fulfilled life. I’m committed to my future — but  I don’t define that as a job title, tall dark and handsome Italian husband or a white picket fence. ;)

So then what on earth is my issue with wanting to figure out my life?

I don’t know, but I feel that I’m not making progress. Yep, I quit my corporate company, joined a startup, moved cities, feel like I’m in a good head space — and yep, in my brain, I haven’t made enough progress. I probably need to think about how I define ‘progress’ but for now I will associate it with growth.

Last week I was blessed to have a serious chat with a peer I totally respect. He understands me. He doesn’t look at the high expectations I have for myself as a negative. He challenges me to be better. He offered fresh perspective. He challenged me to start thinking about what drives me, to get back on the path I was on in 2010.

If I were to identify what is different from late mid 2010 to current… what’s missing is goals. Well, yes, of course I have goals. I want to visit Australia, complete a Masters Degree and start a non-profit. BUT I don’t have goals on a weekly, quarterly or annual basis.

And perhaps ‘forgetting’ to set goals (being too busy, excuse, excuse, excuse) is making it hard for me to measure (and potentially make) progress. By the way, I have always set my goals as business, personal, health, travel — well rounded SMART goals are the only way to go.

I’ve been doing some major self-reflection. I’ve been taking that moment to re-confirm my values, identify my passion and think about what could be. How will the future look? What will it take for me to be fulfilled?

Strengths Finder 2.0 is a tool we use at Elevated HR and also something I have found huge value in. My strengths are: Achiever, Learner, Focus, Command, Futuristic.

So Strengths Finder offers the following ‘facts’ about me:

• I have a great deal of stamina and work hard. I take great satisfaction from being busy and productive.
• I have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. In particular, the process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites me.
• I can take a direction, follow through, and make the corrections necessary to stay on track. I prioritize, then act.
• I have presence. I can take control of a situation and make decisions.
• I am inspired by the future and what could be. I inspire others with my visions of the future.

Couple that with being classified as a Yellow-Red-Green-Blue with Insights Discovery and ENFJ with Meyers Briggs… I’m both clear and confused. :)

I look at all these incredible men and women in my life (whether I know them or not, they are still in my life) and think they have figured it out… when will I? And more importantly, do I need to?

I read an inspiring post tonight: 26 Lessons from a 26 Year Old CEO by Shama Kabani. Great tips for any CEO, Entrepreneur and dreamer. You can follow Shama on Twitter and/or check out the  Young Entrepreneur Council too!

Shama and fellow bright lights motivate me to keep pushing forward.

Relevant advice I was recently given:

Do everything possible to hold yourself accountable.

For me this means setting goals, measuring goals and reporting back to my personal Board of Directors. Find that group of people who want to see you grow and be great. It could be a support group, a non-profit organization or a mentor. Whatever it is, find it. Ensure growth.

The big question tonight is… why am I on this planet?

Anyone know the answer?

[... currently writing my goals.] :)

moving forward

Well it’s been an intense few days.  I have no idea why I intentionally add such stress and pressure to my life.  I knew my designation exam was October 2nd, yet I still chose to go “live” with all the health stuff on October 1st.  Regardless of removing myself from technology, I knew that my attention wouldn’t be on the exam.  Le sigh.  I guess the good news is that the exam is over and now I have a few months to wait for marks.

I have felt at peace with the health stuff over the past few weeks – from what I kept telling myself, truly at peace.  Then Thursday happened.  I was nervous, unsure, and scared to go public with any of it.  I kept on telling myself that so many people (and women) in this world go through so much worse than I had been through.  I started to realize that a large part of worried was that it wasn’t about what I’d been through, it was about that I’d hid it from everyone.  Many people in my life see me as a driven, career-focused, community-oriented, young woman.  They see me, I smile… I pretend everything is fine.  Life isn’t fine… but it’s getting better.  I am making progress every day and for that I’m thankful.

On Thursday night, I stayed up until almost 4am editing the blog post… I wanted it to be perfect.  I wanted to ensure that my message came across the way I had intended.  The last thing I wanted was for someone to say “I’m sorry”… I wanted people to reflect on what I’d written and make positive change in their lives.  Whether that means you are a woman who is going to TOUCH. LOOK. CHECK more often, or a friend who will truly offer support the next time someone is in need, or you are going to donate your money or time to a cause that is relevant to you.  My primary goal in writing my story was to make a difference.

A lot happened during the last few months – there is much more to the story than what I have written, but throughout my writing, I realized that health was the most important.  All the other “life” stuff was no longer important; all the garbage just reinforced to me that I needed to come out of this situation on top.

I published the blog post, sent off a quick email to close friends with the link, and forced myself to sleep.

Friday was overwhelming.  The last time I shed so many tears was during the unknown diagnosis weeks of June and July.  These tears were different though.  They were not filled with angst, fear, and stress.  By publishing my health battles, I made myself vulnerable.  My tears came because I didn’t realize how much love and support I truly have.  As confident as I can be, I have been scarred from the past.  I have been screwed over quite a bit in the past few years.  I have been backstabbed, hurt by friends, and not supported in so many facets of my life.  I just keep on telling myself that no one else matters… “Jill, you are what’s important.”  Keep focused, make progress, and eventually everything will come together.  For years I have been waiting for a support system and I’m finally thrilled to say that I think I have one.  It’s unfortunate that it took this situation to make me realize that.

I received a phone call late Friday afternoon.  Tony, Marketing Manager at Melrose, had called to confirm Ming as my venue for “Pretty in Pink: A Breast Cancer Awareness Benefit.”  I couldn’t have been more thrilled.  Little did Tony know, but this was just the distraction I needed to once again re-focus and look toward the future.  I have a short three weeks to plan a memorable event, a glamorous pink wonderland.

In less than a day, I had 307 views of my blog post – my highest view count to date.  I will admit (even though I was supposed to be studying), I did consume myself in the messages of support, inspiration, and love.  Just thinking about a few of them brings tears to my eyes.  It’s funny how in situations like this your true friends always come to light.  I have read every email, text message, blog post comment, and Twitter mention or message.  I have absorbed every ounce of good everyone had to say.  I have been surprised over how honest people are – and potentially, so in tune with who I am as a person.  A huge thank you to Shannon Hilton Photography for utilizing Rethink Breast Cancer as the charity of choice for her recent photography promotion.

What do I plan to take away from this experience?  I fully intend to live in and cherish the present.  I have realized how important it is to surround yourself with good people; people who truly have your back.  In order to achieve my hopes and dreams, I am re-prioritizing quite a few people in my life.  I naturally put a lot of effort into both relationships and life.  I need to be surrounded by people who truly do the same.  I am very goal driven – and function best when I have something to look forward to.  In the short term, I’m competing in KPMG’s “What Makes a Top Employer” video contest (ends October 18th), hosting “Pretty in Pink: A Breast Cancer Awareness Benefit” at Ming (October 21st), attending the JCI World Congress in Osaka, Japan (early November), and I will be speaking at the Young Women in Business’ (YWiB) annual conference, “Beyond Pink” in Vancouver (November 20th).  In the long term, I have no idea, but intend to start thinking about my 2011 goals as we move through the next few months.

All that’s left to say is – thank you.  Thank you for the support.  Thank you for the love.  And thank you for believing in me. ❤

August 2010 - Still healing. Photo taken by a fantastic friend named Madigan Reilly.

look up

Recently I bought the book “Up: A Pragmatic Look at the Direction of Life” by David Niven.  I’ve been going through what some might call….‘life change’ and this book seemed to be right up my alley.

The book starts off with saying:

“Should you look up?  There’s a lot to be said for it.  Looking up to make eye contact and exchange smiles is essential to feeling a connection with others.  Looking up is how we see the blue sky and the beauty of life all around us.  Looking up, research shows, actually makes us more optimistic, feel better about ourselves, and generate positive thoughts.”

It then goes on to discuss why ‘looking up’ can be difficult to today’s society.  We have distractions, struggles, and are going through life changes no previous generation has experienced. “Up” provides 365 unique ways as to why, we as citizens should be grateful for what we have and the continual opportunities that are presented to us.

The book is full of treasures that hit of home, but the following are a few of my favourites:

#148 – Faith in Yourself

Remember all the drama with Y2K and the thought that technology was going to go through major drama?  Did that happen? Absolutely not. I believe that if those same thoughts were said in 2010 – the response would be different.  People are more optimistic than they were in past.  I am surrounded by people who truly believe the word is full of good.  They believe in themselves, take risks, and have every opportunity to succeed.  They don’t worry about what might happen – they proceed full-speed ahead.  Life truly has to be lived.

#42 – It’s Not Just a Job

We have been shifting from a “live to work” to a “work to live” mentality for years.  When you hear of a friend, colleague, or family member looking for new work – very rarely, you will hear someone say… “I just need a paycheque.”  No.  Jobs these days are about passion, learning, and having a role on this planet.  What am I bringing to the table?  How can I make a difference to a company?  Do my values align with the organizations mission and vision?  Yes, money is important to a certain degree.  It’s important to pay the bills and provide for your family.  Jobs are no longer about 40 hours a week.  Jobs are part of people, and employees care about their organizations. People have a refreshing perspective on commitment to their careers.

#154 – Change the World

Do you feel like you can change the world?  I do.  Is that likely?  No… but at least I have faith… right? ;) Similar to the discussion on organizations and values, people these days have a need and want to help others.  They are curious about language, culture, and travel.  They are willing to take risks to learn something new, whether it be an experience or a life-changing opportunity.  Believe that you (yes, you!) have the power to tackle this world.

#328 – Progressing Every Day

Every day is an opportunity to be better.  Every day is an opportunity to accomplish tasks and make progress. We are living in a world of resources.  Back in the day, many many years back, society didn’t have the resources to strive for big goals.  But guess what, we have them now.  Are you using them?  We have experts one every topics – financial literacy, education, legal, recruitment, marketing, etc.  Many people have mentors – whether they have career, non-profit, or life focused.  We are all capable of achieving great things.  Set goals; make progress; measure measure measure – and achieve.

#76 – Housework is for Everybody

There was a time when housework was meant to fall under the responsibility of the wife or woman of the house.  For a long time, men dominated the workforce – providing plenty of opportunity for women to be busy in the home. My sister and her husband have what they call “pink jobs” and “blue jobs”… ugh makes me shiver just thinking about it.  Pink jobs include laundry, cooking, cleaning – the usual; blue jobs include taking out the trash, yard work, etc.  This works for them, but my thoughts are – the majority of couples in their 20’s find a balance with household tasks.  Status in the family and home has changed, in North America at the very least, women are considered equal to men. In many families, both the husband and wife work full-time jobs.  Why would chores dominate with one person?  Just like we are striving for continual equality in the workplace, we have finally found equality in the home. The book states that “women whose husbands share in the housework are 15% more likely to rate their husbands as ‘very physically attractive.’” That’s right boys – get on that ironing! ;)

#212 – Never Facing Pain Alone

To fully understand the ‘old’ way of thinking, I look to my Grandpa.  Last year he battled Colon Cancer… but would anyone have known?  Absolutely not.  He hid his illness for ages, not knowing what he had or why he was sick.  Why?  Because that’s how he was raised.  Disease wasn’t talked about as many did not understand or have the background to understand.  Eventually my Grandpa became sick enough that my mom noticed he was unwell – physically he had lost a lot of weight etc. [He battled the heck out of that cancer and is doing well today!] In today’s world we have access to a wealth of information.  We have resources such as information online, medical experts, family assistance programs, and support groups.  We have family, friends, and coworkers. It is no surprise that we will continually experience pain in our lifetimes – that in itself is not going away.  What has changed, is how we handle it.  Don’t hide from your loved ones, embrace the support, and get through the tough times.  A great book relating to this topic is “Life in the Balance” by Dr. Marla Shapiro.

More information on the book can be found:

http://linux.davidniven.com/up.php

If you need to be brought back down to planet earth or need some sort of life reality check, read the book.  We owe it to ourselves to be grateful for both the good and bad that is presented to us.

We truly live in a bright world. Always have hope. ❤