Beauty and her Walls

Last night I had a conversation that went something like this:

Me: Hi boyfriend!

Him: Hi beauty! {actually it was “kid” but beauty sounds way better}

<< Insert random cute chit chat >>

Him: You’re a heartbreaker.

Me: Oui.

Him: Trust is hardball with you. Why the walls?

<< Insert heavy discussion >>

<< And more >>

<< And more >>

Aye.

Earlier this year I blogged on men, relationships and trust. Two to Tango was the topic… and I touched on dating, emotional baggage, crazy women, crazy men and moving on. It generally takes me a long time to write each post — and that one took me an exceptionally long time. It was an opportunity to reflect on my past relationships, learn from the past and close a chapter. Reflecting and writing is how I move forward.

This guy {who isn’t actually my boyfriend by the way} pegged me exactly right. He saw right through my texts and right into my heart. He read my mind and called me out on my shit {which by the way… that’s super refreshing}. In a few sentences, I downloaded my baggage {call it whatever you want, it’s still baggage}… promised him I wasn’t actually crazy… and hoped for the best.

If I trust you, I’ll tell you anything. I’ll tell you the good, the bad, the awesome and the overwhelming.

Everyone has history. Everyone has baggage. Everyone has that thing that sticks with them.

Don’t let your baggage define you.

This guy told me it’s really quite simple:

People want to love you. 

All you gotta do is let them in.

Assuming ” the Boyfriend” still reads my blog and hasn’t unsubscribed yet… :)  Thank you for pushing me.  Thank you for listening. Thank you for showing me the light.

Thank you for being you.

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In other news, my super amazing and super pregnant friend, Jen, sent me this song this week:

SUPER LOVE for Ed Sheeran.

Like so much so that I have listened to Wake Me Up 112 times this week …just might be a crazy card actually.

PS – Also a fan of Drunk and Small Bump. Enjoy.

to love or not to love

So it’s Valentine’s Day. Yes, that “holiday” that comes one a year where society expects you to shower your significant other with love, feel sorry for all those that haven’t found “the one”, or embrace in anti-Valentine’s Day activities.

To be honest, I’m not anti- the holiday, I hate the holiday. I don’t hate it because I’m broken-hearted and bitter, nor single and spectacular.  I hate it because it’s a holiday where people have to prove themselves. Men have to show how much they “love” their girlfriend. Men are expected to buy candy, chocolates, flowers, jewellery, or god help you… a stuffed animal. Those in those *really* committed relationships ;) are spoiled with Coach handbags, Tiffany’s diamonds and Victoria’s Secret lingerie. Women get brisked away for a romantic weekend or a cutesy dinner on the town. Men get extra points in the dating market when they do something that’s creative or original. I’m serious… if you bake a girl cupcakes or make a homemade card… my god, she’ll be over the moon. The next day at work, when she tells the story of how her boyfriend did something different, all the girls will gush and swoon over how she’s found “the one.” Doesn’t that make you want to vomit?

Did you know that…

• 33% of single men avoid getting into a relationship between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day
• 4% of women in a relationship of less than 2 weeks expect a gift on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is just another day.  Love doesn’t mean material things. Love doesn’t mean confessing your soul. Love doesn’t mean you should splash your body in pink and red everything. Love is not about expectation.

Don’t even get me started on those who propose or get married on this day. To each their own, but that is absolutely ridiculous.

If anything, Valentine’s Day should be a reality check for everyone to say… “Do I LOVE life?” It doesn’t matter if you’re single or coupled up. What really matters the most is that you’re truly happy and that you share love with those around you.

Valentine’s Day should honestly be *my* holiday. I love pink, hearts, and all those xoxo’s.

I love LOVE.

Valentine’s Day is not my holiday, because I truly don’t believe in showing my love once a year – or even making it more of a priority once a year. I ensure that I embrace love into my everyday. Love is about 365 days… ok maybe 360 days, as I’m bound to be crazy a few days of the year. ;) Love is about seeing the good in other people. Love is about being genuine and active in relationships.

“Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day.” – Nicholas Sparks

My favourite Valentine’s Day was in 2004.  A guy friend had just broken up with his girlfriend and wanted a night out on the town. A girlfriend and I went out with him – first up, dinner; next up, dancing at Outlaws (remember Outlaws…? such a brutal bar). I remember that night clearly, it was the first time I kissed a girl… oh man, such a sucker for love. ;) We left the bar and headed to Springbank for a house party, went hottubbing in our panties, and got home at 8am. My uncle (I lived with him at the time) asks me, “Where were you last night?”… I say “In Springbank”… he says “Do you know where that is?”… I say “No.” He says “Were you out for Valentine’s Day?”… I say “No.” Out of all the nights I partied in my first few years of university, I remember this night in particular because it was a ton of fun.

On Valentine’s Day 2010, I was in Hawaii on a vacation with a girlfriend. We went out for dinner and were told that the restaurant was celebrating “Singles Day.” We were given heart shaped balloons to wear on our heads… proof:

Valentine's Day 2010

Seriously? People all over Waikiki were walking around with these on their heads. Let me repeat… seriously? I’m all over a theme party or even a stamp on the hand – but heart-shaped balloons meant for head wear? No, that is not how Valentine’s Day works. Are you scared to hit up Hawaii over Reading Week now? You should be.

Everyone has their opinion on this topic. I am not the girl who has to be in a relationship to be successful or whole. There are pros and cons of being in a relationship vs. being single, but one is not better than the other. Being committed to someone revolves around timing. I am a true believer that when you are your best self, wonderful people magically appear. People are attracted to confidence, intelligence, ambition, and real beauty.

I have tons of girlfriends who are with guys solely because they don’t feel like they can be great alone. They continually spew out the “I love you” without the least bit of sincerity… why? Because they feel like they have to. They would do anything to keep the relationship that they’re in. Bad days dominate good days… yet they stay.

My thoughts are… why waste your time?

I truly believe that everyone will find that “can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of stuff” in a relationship. Maybe it will hit when you’re 26, but it could be when your 18 or 40. The point is… if you know it’s coming… why look for it? It’ll hit you smack in the face when you least expect it.

Love everyday. Love your family and friends – and all their successes. Love the opportunities that are continually presented to you. Love that people have opinions and that they’ll argue with you. Love that you’re passionate and commit your time to causes you love. Love your job – the good days and the bad. Love what life teaches you.

For all of you that have been waiting for February 14, 2011 since February 15, 2010… power to you. I hope you have a delightful day and it is everything you could have hoped for. I hope that you are able to truly define love and know what you need from your significant other.

For all of you who love being single and everything that comes with it… book your yearly physical and girlie check up ha ha. ;) Head out on the town, go find a frog or a prince… drink too much wine and text that person you’ve been lusting after… or hit the gym (or the books) and continue contributing to that best person you can be.

For all those that do actually wish they were in a relationship and hate being single, let me offer you a few facts:

via http://www.pimsleurapproach.com/

See doesn’t that make it so much better?!! :D

If you were planning on gifting me with wonderful material things tomorrow… a few tips… I don’t like candy, chocolate or sweets. Cinnamon is not my thing, and cinnamon hearts will make my face scour into an ungodly look. If you give me a stuffed animal, I will call 9-1-1 to have you admitted to the psych ward. Feel like serenading me outside my place of work? I’ll pretend I don’t know you. Bought me jewellery? Every girl loves jewellery, but I’m the girl who loses the expensive pieces (most recently demonstrated through toliet flush of my pearl earring).  I love flowers, but give me carnations, and I’ll question how your mother raised you.

The key to my heart. A simple card. On any day except Valentine’s Day.

With all my heart I hope that you feel both loved and blessed. ❤

wedding date

This weekend I watched “Wedding Date” with Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney… not for any particular reason, just because I needed some background noise while I was studying.

The movie is a about a woman, Kat, who hires an escort, Nick, to act as her boyfriend and accompany her to her sister’s wedding.  Anyways typical chick flick to many degrees.

Best part of the movie:

Nick Mercer: Close your eyes. Close your eyes. Close… your… eyes. You’re safe. You can relax. I’m not going to kiss you. He’s going be so sorry he lost you, so stop worrying. Forget the past. Forget the pain. And remember what an incredible woman you are. You do that and he’ll realize what he lost.

Kat Ellis: Holy crap. You’re worth every penny.

It’s always important to remember your worth ladies.  Don’t forget about the bad… but move on from it. You truly are incredible. ❤

PS – I have quite a few weddings to attend in 2011.  The first guy who comes up with “lines” such as that one gets to attend all of them… ha ha. ;)

moving forward

Well it’s been an intense few days.  I have no idea why I intentionally add such stress and pressure to my life.  I knew my designation exam was October 2nd, yet I still chose to go “live” with all the health stuff on October 1st.  Regardless of removing myself from technology, I knew that my attention wouldn’t be on the exam.  Le sigh.  I guess the good news is that the exam is over and now I have a few months to wait for marks.

I have felt at peace with the health stuff over the past few weeks – from what I kept telling myself, truly at peace.  Then Thursday happened.  I was nervous, unsure, and scared to go public with any of it.  I kept on telling myself that so many people (and women) in this world go through so much worse than I had been through.  I started to realize that a large part of worried was that it wasn’t about what I’d been through, it was about that I’d hid it from everyone.  Many people in my life see me as a driven, career-focused, community-oriented, young woman.  They see me, I smile… I pretend everything is fine.  Life isn’t fine… but it’s getting better.  I am making progress every day and for that I’m thankful.

On Thursday night, I stayed up until almost 4am editing the blog post… I wanted it to be perfect.  I wanted to ensure that my message came across the way I had intended.  The last thing I wanted was for someone to say “I’m sorry”… I wanted people to reflect on what I’d written and make positive change in their lives.  Whether that means you are a woman who is going to TOUCH. LOOK. CHECK more often, or a friend who will truly offer support the next time someone is in need, or you are going to donate your money or time to a cause that is relevant to you.  My primary goal in writing my story was to make a difference.

A lot happened during the last few months – there is much more to the story than what I have written, but throughout my writing, I realized that health was the most important.  All the other “life” stuff was no longer important; all the garbage just reinforced to me that I needed to come out of this situation on top.

I published the blog post, sent off a quick email to close friends with the link, and forced myself to sleep.

Friday was overwhelming.  The last time I shed so many tears was during the unknown diagnosis weeks of June and July.  These tears were different though.  They were not filled with angst, fear, and stress.  By publishing my health battles, I made myself vulnerable.  My tears came because I didn’t realize how much love and support I truly have.  As confident as I can be, I have been scarred from the past.  I have been screwed over quite a bit in the past few years.  I have been backstabbed, hurt by friends, and not supported in so many facets of my life.  I just keep on telling myself that no one else matters… “Jill, you are what’s important.”  Keep focused, make progress, and eventually everything will come together.  For years I have been waiting for a support system and I’m finally thrilled to say that I think I have one.  It’s unfortunate that it took this situation to make me realize that.

I received a phone call late Friday afternoon.  Tony, Marketing Manager at Melrose, had called to confirm Ming as my venue for “Pretty in Pink: A Breast Cancer Awareness Benefit.”  I couldn’t have been more thrilled.  Little did Tony know, but this was just the distraction I needed to once again re-focus and look toward the future.  I have a short three weeks to plan a memorable event, a glamorous pink wonderland.

In less than a day, I had 307 views of my blog post – my highest view count to date.  I will admit (even though I was supposed to be studying), I did consume myself in the messages of support, inspiration, and love.  Just thinking about a few of them brings tears to my eyes.  It’s funny how in situations like this your true friends always come to light.  I have read every email, text message, blog post comment, and Twitter mention or message.  I have absorbed every ounce of good everyone had to say.  I have been surprised over how honest people are – and potentially, so in tune with who I am as a person.  A huge thank you to Shannon Hilton Photography for utilizing Rethink Breast Cancer as the charity of choice for her recent photography promotion.

What do I plan to take away from this experience?  I fully intend to live in and cherish the present.  I have realized how important it is to surround yourself with good people; people who truly have your back.  In order to achieve my hopes and dreams, I am re-prioritizing quite a few people in my life.  I naturally put a lot of effort into both relationships and life.  I need to be surrounded by people who truly do the same.  I am very goal driven – and function best when I have something to look forward to.  In the short term, I’m competing in KPMG’s “What Makes a Top Employer” video contest (ends October 18th), hosting “Pretty in Pink: A Breast Cancer Awareness Benefit” at Ming (October 21st), attending the JCI World Congress in Osaka, Japan (early November), and I will be speaking at the Young Women in Business’ (YWiB) annual conference, “Beyond Pink” in Vancouver (November 20th).  In the long term, I have no idea, but intend to start thinking about my 2011 goals as we move through the next few months.

All that’s left to say is – thank you.  Thank you for the support.  Thank you for the love.  And thank you for believing in me. ❤

August 2010 - Still healing. Photo taken by a fantastic friend named Madigan Reilly.

restart your heart

People come into your life for a reason.  In March 2010, a young woman named Carmen Mak came into my life. I had travelled to Ontario for a competition and met this beauty.  Over a short 48 hours we had laughter, smiles, and likely tears.  We haven’t had an opportunity to reunite since, but she’s one of those people that I know I will be in my life for years to come.

Today she shared this video on Facebook:

Every ounce of the 7 minutes touched my soul and brought a smile to my face.

After doing some investigating… :) the two people featured in the video are Mimi Ikonn and Alex Ikonn (or maybe he goes by Sasha – I’m confused a bit there…). They were married earlier this year in the Dominican Republic.  Carmen is friends with them and I believe in the wedding party.

Sasha and Mimi equals Sashimi. :)  Check out their wedding video:

Relationships require determination, strength, time, balance, fun, and love.  Once again, these two proved that it’s possible.

These videos were produced by Kevin Sarasom, videographer in Toronto, Ontario.  He obviously has mad talent.

Never forget to love.

Love with all your heart. ❤

you deserve more

The idea of settling with someone has been continually reinforced to me over the past few weeks.  I am surrounded by people who are settling with significant others because they feel they have to (or need to). Then today, I was catching up on my blog reading – and Le Love (one of my favourite blogs) posted the below picture.

I am not an expert on relationships.  I make mistakes – all the time.  As of late, I continually date the wrong people.  Dating the wrong people is okay though, marrying the wrong person is a whole other story.  What do I know though…?  I will never settle.  Are you thinking never say never?  From the bottom of my heart, I would 100% rather be single then be unhappy.

I look at settling in a relationship in 2 ways:

1) You settle because you are incapable of being single. You can’t function without a significant other.  You perform better in all aspects of your life when in a relationship.  [I'm having trouble even writing this down, as I feel this option is absolute garbage.]  You are dependent on another person, so much so, that when you are not in a relationship, your life falls apart.  More about why I think it’s important to enjoy being single can be found here.

2) You settle because you don’t think you will find someone better. You find someone.  For the most part, she/he is a good significant other.  You laugh together, enjoy each others presence, etc etc.  But there is something missing… maybe she/he doesn’t listen when you speak or doesn’t understand the value of a small please and thank you or disrespects people that mean the world to you.  Maybe that missing something revolves around career, finances, or your love for travel.  It doesn’t matter what it is – the point is, in your heart you know its missing.  But you are afraid to end your current relationship as you’re not sure you’ll be able to find another one. You worry that the clock is ticking. You worry about what others might think…

Let me give you an example on the last point… I have a few friends who have recently come out of bad, messy relationships and are now with someone new.  This new person is the complete opposite of their ex, fulfilling them in a different way than they had in the past.  They think – “Wow, this guy is so great; I’ve never been respected before.”  UH. WHAT?  Being respected as a human being is a minimum criteria when it comes to a friend, let alone a significant other.  They were unfulfilled for so long, they have no concept of what they deserve.

I was recently told that I will never (I know… never!) find someone who will meet my expectations.  Gasp.  I will never meet someone who embodies the word “exceptional”… I will be forced to settle.  First of all, I don’t believe my expectations are high!! Secondly, it’s not in my nature to settle (in any aspect of my life).  Thirdly, why SETTLE?  I believe settling is giving you temporary happiness, but setting you up for failure!!  I value motivation, respect, compassion, support, and honesty.  But who doesn’t? Andddd…. why would you ever want to be in a relationship with someone identical to yourself?

Sometimes people make me shake my head…. moving on…

Is there such thing as “the one”?  My belief is that their isn’t one person for everyone in the world – there are many.  So what if it takes you a few tries to find a good one for you?  Who cares if you don’t have the white picket fence, 2.5 children, and small dog?

Is that what’s really important?

It’s important to love and be loved.  It’s important to be fulfilled mentally, physically, and emotionally.

“There is no passion to be found playing small — in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” – Nelson Mandela

In life, career, and relationships, I truly believe we are all capable of great things.  We should not be striving for perfect and the expectations that others put on us.  We should be striving for happiness and personal well-rounded fulfillment.

Listen to your instincts, give yourself some credit, and settle for what you deserve. ❤