A Little Escape

I know that you’re not supposed to run away from your problems… or feel a need to run away from your life.

These days many in the self-development world — “experts,” say… if you need a vacation, you need a new life.

It in it’s simplest form, the statement makes sense to me.

For the last few weeks, I’ve been guilty of saying… “I  just need a moment to breathe”…”I need to get caught up on email”…”I need time to just think”… and before you knew it I had booked a trip to the hot hot heat.

I just need some time in a beautiful place to clear my head.

Regardless of what category you put ‘needing a vacation’ into… I know I need it. Yep, need it.

I need to be able to walk away from my current life and reflect on what’s working and not working. I need to think about my constant state of being busy and overloaded {for a great post by Danielle LaPorte on being overwhelmed… click here} — and determine what changes needed to be made. I need to gain clarity on what’s truly important. I need a little Eat : Pray : Love.

If all this means I’m running away — c’est la vie. If it means — I need a new/revised life… well I’ll be the first to admit that maybe I do.

Looking forward to some time with my head. Looking forward to moving into 2013 with a little bit more focus.

Finding My Groove

via She Takes on the World

I’m feeling a lot of pressure these days to figure out my life.

What do I want to be in 1 year, 3 years, 5 years? What do I want to do?

What’s weird about this is that I am NOT that person who plans her future. Yes, I plan my week, my month and next 6 months. I’ve always been the employee (and maybe girlfriend actually) who gets anxiety over talking about anything past 12 months. It’s not that I can’t commit or don’t want to — it’s that I want to live in the present. From a career perspective, I’ve always considered opportunities as they have been presented and then decided my game plan. I follow both my company and my best interest. From a relationship perspective, I’m 27 years old and the last thing I want right now is marriage and babies. Life constantly changes and no one can predict someone’s next move. By centering myself on the present, I have less expectation of others and push myself to live a fulfilled life. I’m committed to my future — but  I don’t define that as a job title, tall dark and handsome Italian husband or a white picket fence. ;)

So then what on earth is my issue with wanting to figure out my life?

I don’t know, but I feel that I’m not making progress. Yep, I quit my corporate company, joined a startup, moved cities, feel like I’m in a good head space — and yep, in my brain, I haven’t made enough progress. I probably need to think about how I define ‘progress’ but for now I will associate it with growth.

Last week I was blessed to have a serious chat with a peer I totally respect. He understands me. He doesn’t look at the high expectations I have for myself as a negative. He challenges me to be better. He offered fresh perspective. He challenged me to start thinking about what drives me, to get back on the path I was on in 2010.

If I were to identify what is different from late mid 2010 to current… what’s missing is goals. Well, yes, of course I have goals. I want to visit Australia, complete a Masters Degree and start a non-profit. BUT I don’t have goals on a weekly, quarterly or annual basis.

And perhaps ‘forgetting’ to set goals (being too busy, excuse, excuse, excuse) is making it hard for me to measure (and potentially make) progress. By the way, I have always set my goals as business, personal, health, travel — well rounded SMART goals are the only way to go.

I’ve been doing some major self-reflection. I’ve been taking that moment to re-confirm my values, identify my passion and think about what could be. How will the future look? What will it take for me to be fulfilled?

Strengths Finder 2.0 is a tool we use at Elevated HR and also something I have found huge value in. My strengths are: Achiever, Learner, Focus, Command, Futuristic.

So Strengths Finder offers the following ‘facts’ about me:

• I have a great deal of stamina and work hard. I take great satisfaction from being busy and productive.
• I have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. In particular, the process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites me.
• I can take a direction, follow through, and make the corrections necessary to stay on track. I prioritize, then act.
• I have presence. I can take control of a situation and make decisions.
• I am inspired by the future and what could be. I inspire others with my visions of the future.

Couple that with being classified as a Yellow-Red-Green-Blue with Insights Discovery and ENFJ with Meyers Briggs… I’m both clear and confused. :)

I look at all these incredible men and women in my life (whether I know them or not, they are still in my life) and think they have figured it out… when will I? And more importantly, do I need to?

I read an inspiring post tonight: 26 Lessons from a 26 Year Old CEO by Shama Kabani. Great tips for any CEO, Entrepreneur and dreamer. You can follow Shama on Twitter and/or check out the  Young Entrepreneur Council too!

Shama and fellow bright lights motivate me to keep pushing forward.

Relevant advice I was recently given:

Do everything possible to hold yourself accountable.

For me this means setting goals, measuring goals and reporting back to my personal Board of Directors. Find that group of people who want to see you grow and be great. It could be a support group, a non-profit organization or a mentor. Whatever it is, find it. Ensure growth.

The big question tonight is… why am I on this planet?

Anyone know the answer?

[... currently writing my goals.] :)

change

A short 3.5 months ago, I shared a story about how I was starting a new chapter. I announced I had resigned from my current company, joined a startup and would soon be relocating to a new city. I was truly excited for the upcoming changes and all that I would learn over the coming months.

It’s not that I’m not excited now… it’s just that shortly after I wrote that post, reality hit.

The last 3 months have been the hardest months of my life. I have been living in less than ideal housing situations — couple that with living out of a suitcase. Not fun. I have been surrounded by bad influences and people that I don’t want to become. I have been going through the ups and downs of startup life — no it’s not always perfect or easy. Finances have been tight. I have let the lines of personal and professional completely blur, often putting work ahead of friends and family. All those self-discovery exercises I should have been doing earlier in the year — I’ve being doing now. I’m frequently confused and unsure. For the first time in a long time, I have felt censored and self-conscious. I have doubted my abilities, my brand and my purpose on this planet.

Life has truly been a rollercoaster — up and down — entirely full of learning.

Let’s go back in time…

After I moved to Calgary in 2003, I told myself I would never move again. I moved here when I was 19 and life was so different. I turned my back on high school and the island. I wasn’t the person I wanted to be, so I came to Alberta to find my place in this world. For the first 6 months, I began each day without a single friend. I would come home from my part-time university classes and hang out with my aunt. I kept on telling myself that it would get easier. Back then I was homesick. I craved the comforts of my family, the island and routine. I found so much more reward in working full-time in the community that I grew up in, than attending university in a new big bad city. Eventually things clicked. In the fall of 2003, I met some incredible friends that I am so blessed to still have in my life today. Days flew by, years flew by… but the more entrenched I became in Calgary, the more I knew that I needed to leave. Calgary was not me. I did not fit.

A love for the prairies. Alberta beef. Cowboys. A car focused city. Frigid winter temperatures. Money hungry corporate folks. None of it was me.

Why did I stay?

Opportunity. The education and work experience I have received in Calgary allowed me to thrive.

What was I missing?

The ocean. Culture. The opportunity to walk everywhere. The ability to embrace my inner hippie.

I knew I needed to leave, but I had no idea where I would go. For a long time, I didn’t even consider cities in North America. London, Melbourne and Singapore were on my radar. After I started receiving international job offers, I was unsure if I truly wanted to leave (or was ready to leave)… Canada will always be home. Earlier this year when I was asked where I wanted to move to… I said Vancouver. Did I put much thought into it? Absolutely not. I felt that my only options were Vancouver or Toronto and thought I was more aligned with west coast living.

Vancouver’s not perfect — hell, I’m paying a fortune in rent and may battle depression my first rainy season. :)  I would never say that Vancouver is a better city than Calgary, but I’m hoping to say that Vancouver is a better city for me. On a day to day basis, I talk so much about fit and alignment (generally in reference to recruiting and employee engagement). I have been misaligned for years — and due to that, I know that I’m not living up to my potential. It would be to my detriment to stay in Calgary. It would be to my detriment to not allow myself to be the best person I can be.

I want to be feel passionate about the city I live in. I want to be able to stand behind it proudly.

Every day counts and I don’t want to look back on life and think “If only I…”

The time to move is now.

Last night I was smothered with messages of support from friends. Why? I admitted that I cannot say goodbye and decided to no show on my goodbye party. Although most of them were shocked — a few of them understood. Truth be told, I was likely scared.

This week it hit me… I am moving… and starting over. Sure I’ve said those words all summer, but now it is real. Last week I packed everything I owned. This week I cleaned up my involvements in Calgary (health appointments, mail, etc) and visited with a few families that have been integral to my life. Last night my anxiety over moving turned into tears. I cried and cried and cried. When I stopped crying, someone texted me and triggered something to make me cry. People called and I pressed ignore. I was a total emotional basketcase. Finally my best guy friend calls and brought me back to the non-crazy person planet (oh and he totally doesn’t deal well with crying).

So why the tears?

The people that have come into my life over the past 8 years – and especially the ones that are still here today – I consider family. Over the last 8 years, I have travelled all over the world. Not once have I been  homesick… friendsick though? Too many times to count. I have been blessed to have a solid group of friends in Calgary. People that I look up to and truly aspire to be like. People that have acted as family on holidays when I couldn’t go back to the island. People that have held my hand at doctor’s appointments and given me a hug at the worst of times. People that understand both give and take and the importance of being a good friend.

My fear is that the distance created by going away will mean goodbye. We’re all busy. We all have our own shit going on and it’s easy to forget. I worry that these incredible people will intentionally or unintentionally fall out of my life.

[Seriously... I don't recommend heading down that path in your brain. It doesn't end well.]

The thought of going to a going away party last night to say goodbye to people I love and respect so much absolutely rattled me. I was immediately overwhelmed and decided I couldn’t do it. No matter how much I told myself that it’s not goodbye, it’s see you later… I imagined it would be goodbye. I tried to tell myself that everything happens for a reason and if these people do fall out of my life… they were supposed to. I tried to peer pressure myself into going, to keep everything else happy. Ultimately I decided that I wasn’t ready.

[I know... we're running out of time.]

I spent last night reflecting on my time in Calgary — the good, the bad, but most importantly what I learned.

My friends are full of life, laughter and love — and yes, sometimes frustration. :) At the end of the day, I am grateful for the moments we have had together and the memories we have shared. I am grateful that we continually push each other to be better versions of ourselves. I could go on and on about our times together, or I could list every single one’s names, but instead I want all of you to know how thankful I am.

Whether it be out of control laughter or 2am alcohol-soaked tears, all of our memories have shaped us into who we are today. I have had more fun that I could have ever imagined:

Girls Night Out at the Whiskey - 2004

Halloween House Party - 2004

Europe - 2005

My Birthday at Melrose - 2006

Scotiabank Best of The Best Party - 2006

Random Night at Melissa's Condo - 2007

Mexico - 2007

My Housewarming Party - 2007

Jane's Birthday at Amsterdam Rhino - 2007

Jessica's Birthday in Banff - 2007

The City of Calgary United Way Fundraiser - 2007

Anti-Valentine's Day / Girls Weekend in Canmore - 2008

Dominican - 2008

Melissa's Birthday Party - 2008

Beach Day at Sikome Lake - 2008

Kid Day - 2008

Christmas - 2008

Luau at Darryl's House - 2009

Sun + Salsa Festival - 2009

Vegas - 2009

WorldSkills - 2009

80's Party in Banff - 2009

Vancouver - 2009

Halloween Party at Darryl's House - 2009

Africa - 2009

Karaoke Night at Ducky's - 2009

Hawaii - 2010

New York City - 2010

My Birthday at WEST (and the C-train Station) - 2010

Napa Valley - 2010

Felicity's Stagette in Banff - 2010

Lily's Birthday at WEST - 2010

Kid Night - 2010

Vancouver - 2010

Japan - 2010

Belize - 2011

Dove Commercial in Toronto - 2011

California – 2011

My Birthday at 1410 - 2011

There is a lot of truth to the statement:

“You never know how great your friends are until you have to say goodbye and leave them.”

Moving to a new city will be my opportunity to press reset, an opportunity to truly find myself again.

My friends will not be forgotten, instead they will be favorited — like a sticky note. More often than not, they will be top of mind, no different then they were when we lived in the same city.

Calgary will not be forgotten, instead it will be archived — put on black and white film.

I have no idea if Vancouver is the right move. I have no idea if I will love it there.

I do know that I am prepared to take a risk.

I do know that I am prepared to give this my best shot.

I lead a blessed life and for the good and the bad – I am grateful.

Welcome Chapter 3. I’m ready for the next adventure.

With a heavy heart. xo

one week

look up

Recently I bought the book “Up: A Pragmatic Look at the Direction of Life” by David Niven.  I’ve been going through what some might call….‘life change’ and this book seemed to be right up my alley.

The book starts off with saying:

“Should you look up?  There’s a lot to be said for it.  Looking up to make eye contact and exchange smiles is essential to feeling a connection with others.  Looking up is how we see the blue sky and the beauty of life all around us.  Looking up, research shows, actually makes us more optimistic, feel better about ourselves, and generate positive thoughts.”

It then goes on to discuss why ‘looking up’ can be difficult to today’s society.  We have distractions, struggles, and are going through life changes no previous generation has experienced. “Up” provides 365 unique ways as to why, we as citizens should be grateful for what we have and the continual opportunities that are presented to us.

The book is full of treasures that hit of home, but the following are a few of my favourites:

#148 – Faith in Yourself

Remember all the drama with Y2K and the thought that technology was going to go through major drama?  Did that happen? Absolutely not. I believe that if those same thoughts were said in 2010 – the response would be different.  People are more optimistic than they were in past.  I am surrounded by people who truly believe the word is full of good.  They believe in themselves, take risks, and have every opportunity to succeed.  They don’t worry about what might happen – they proceed full-speed ahead.  Life truly has to be lived.

#42 – It’s Not Just a Job

We have been shifting from a “live to work” to a “work to live” mentality for years.  When you hear of a friend, colleague, or family member looking for new work – very rarely, you will hear someone say… “I just need a paycheque.”  No.  Jobs these days are about passion, learning, and having a role on this planet.  What am I bringing to the table?  How can I make a difference to a company?  Do my values align with the organizations mission and vision?  Yes, money is important to a certain degree.  It’s important to pay the bills and provide for your family.  Jobs are no longer about 40 hours a week.  Jobs are part of people, and employees care about their organizations. People have a refreshing perspective on commitment to their careers.

#154 – Change the World

Do you feel like you can change the world?  I do.  Is that likely?  No… but at least I have faith… right? ;) Similar to the discussion on organizations and values, people these days have a need and want to help others.  They are curious about language, culture, and travel.  They are willing to take risks to learn something new, whether it be an experience or a life-changing opportunity.  Believe that you (yes, you!) have the power to tackle this world.

#328 – Progressing Every Day

Every day is an opportunity to be better.  Every day is an opportunity to accomplish tasks and make progress. We are living in a world of resources.  Back in the day, many many years back, society didn’t have the resources to strive for big goals.  But guess what, we have them now.  Are you using them?  We have experts one every topics – financial literacy, education, legal, recruitment, marketing, etc.  Many people have mentors – whether they have career, non-profit, or life focused.  We are all capable of achieving great things.  Set goals; make progress; measure measure measure – and achieve.

#76 – Housework is for Everybody

There was a time when housework was meant to fall under the responsibility of the wife or woman of the house.  For a long time, men dominated the workforce – providing plenty of opportunity for women to be busy in the home. My sister and her husband have what they call “pink jobs” and “blue jobs”… ugh makes me shiver just thinking about it.  Pink jobs include laundry, cooking, cleaning – the usual; blue jobs include taking out the trash, yard work, etc.  This works for them, but my thoughts are – the majority of couples in their 20’s find a balance with household tasks.  Status in the family and home has changed, in North America at the very least, women are considered equal to men. In many families, both the husband and wife work full-time jobs.  Why would chores dominate with one person?  Just like we are striving for continual equality in the workplace, we have finally found equality in the home. The book states that “women whose husbands share in the housework are 15% more likely to rate their husbands as ‘very physically attractive.’” That’s right boys – get on that ironing! ;)

#212 – Never Facing Pain Alone

To fully understand the ‘old’ way of thinking, I look to my Grandpa.  Last year he battled Colon Cancer… but would anyone have known?  Absolutely not.  He hid his illness for ages, not knowing what he had or why he was sick.  Why?  Because that’s how he was raised.  Disease wasn’t talked about as many did not understand or have the background to understand.  Eventually my Grandpa became sick enough that my mom noticed he was unwell – physically he had lost a lot of weight etc. [He battled the heck out of that cancer and is doing well today!] In today’s world we have access to a wealth of information.  We have resources such as information online, medical experts, family assistance programs, and support groups.  We have family, friends, and coworkers. It is no surprise that we will continually experience pain in our lifetimes – that in itself is not going away.  What has changed, is how we handle it.  Don’t hide from your loved ones, embrace the support, and get through the tough times.  A great book relating to this topic is “Life in the Balance” by Dr. Marla Shapiro.

More information on the book can be found:

http://linux.davidniven.com/up.php

If you need to be brought back down to planet earth or need some sort of life reality check, read the book.  We owe it to ourselves to be grateful for both the good and bad that is presented to us.

We truly live in a bright world. Always have hope. ❤