An Experiment

After losing myself in the last few weeks and pulling myself together again, a friend challenged me to start dating. Like seriously dating. Like putting effort in and getting out there — to date. I really don’t enjoy dating, it’s never been my thing. If it was my choice, I’d like to zoom {like Jetsons zoom} straight from “yeah there is a spark” to “oh look you’re my boyfriend!”. Maybe I could just hire a body double to go through those first few months. All of that garbage in the early days where people play games, communicate half-ass with each other, and don’t put themselves out there as much as they should… drives me… bananas.

The thought was that I needed to gain my confidence back… to get back in the mindset of … yes, I am a catch — and if you don’t think so, you can go to hell. ;) We’re a long way from there… let me tell you. Aye.

So anyways I was challenged to consider Plenty of Fish. Yeah I know… REALLY? I have never online dated — and really never felt the need. I am super social, always out and about, and meet new people all the time. I have always thought of POF as the site where people go in search for sex. I used to work with a girl who told us horror stories every week of the bizarro men she dated from the internet. And hell I have enough trouble with creepos from Twitter!

I like to be put out of my comfort zone… well love/hate relationship. I know that being put outside of my comfort zone is a good thing. I was totally shut off to POF — so I knew that I had to do it. Kinda similar to when I forced myself to go skydiving.

On Friday night I sat facing the POF username box and thought what will my name be… I then spent an hour writing my profile, picked out pictures and before you knew it, a profile had been created. Quite a bit of work to make it reflect me, but now it was up! So what do I do, do I wait? Do I stalk dudes and approach them?

Instead I stalked girls my age to see who my competition was… ha ha.. and then I told myself I was allowed to delete my profile on Sunday. This little weekend ‘experiment’ would throw me into the world of ‘fishing’ for a mate — and perhaps give me a confidence boost.

My profile:

Earlier tonight I was at Kits Pool chatting with a girlfriend and she talked me into signing up for POF. I was all like — there is no way in hell I’m signing up. Never online dated, never felt the need to. She told me about her online dating experience and how many down-to-earth guys she met — continually reinforcing that not everyone online was a dirtbag. :)

So here I am! Lordy loo.

Where to start? Where to start? 

I moved to Vancouver last August. Born and raised in BC — but I’ve called Calgary home the last 8 years {don’t judge me}. Calgary served me well {university, career opportunities}, but I hated the city. I miss three things — my favourite restaurant {Taste}, my favourite coffee shop {for tea… Insomnia}, and my best guy friend {Aaron}. That’s. It. Oh wait… one more… two little girls named Sydney and Paige. I was a nanny throughout my university girls and practically raised these two. I think of them as sisters. Awe. 

Moving on… 

I LOVE VANCOUVER. Like to the moon and back. Moving here was one of the best decisions of my life. I love to explore and still have so much to see. I love to write and sip tea at Cafe Milano, devour pescado tacos at La Taqueria, drinks at the Keefer, farmers markets on the weekends and running on the seawall. I love the rain. I love the sun. I love to adventure out of the city, whether it be up the Grouse Grind {love/hate relationship}, a weekend in Whistler or taking the float plane over to Vancouver Island. 

I’m extremely committed to my career — and by that I mean pretty Type A, often intense and a high achiever. Most of my week is focused on HR consulting in the tech industry. Outside of the usual… I mentor youth, teach in universities, run a local non-profit, sit on a few advisory boards and heavily involved in the community.

I’m busy — but who isn’t these days…! I’m a big believer in making time for those that are important to you!

What am I looking for? 

I’ve got no idea to be honest. Perhaps to be pleasantly surprised by someone? It might be as simple as that. I’m a big believer in everything happens for a reason. For whatever reason I signed up to this POF beast tonight — and perhaps I’ll be frightened off by the end of the weekend.. not too sure! :) A few things I know for sure… respect, communication and support are huge for me. If I trust you, I tell you everything. I’m transparent and say what I’m thinking. I give more than I take — and friendship means the world to me.

I’m not into wasting my time — when you’re self-employed, time is money baby! I don’t date for the sake of dating. I don’t get into relationships with people I’m not interested in. I don’t spend time with people I don’t like. Space is critical to a successful relationship. I don’t deal well with needy, jealous or possessive people — let alone men. If you’re insecure, peace the hell out now. Be confident, not an arrogant asshole. Check your ego at the door — and do your best to keep mine in check. 

I 100% live by — ‘surround yourself with who you want to become.’

Substance is important to me. Regardless of your passion, you’ve gotta stand for something.

What to end with… so much pressure…. 

Live downtown, work downtown. Walk everywhere. Travel as much as I possibly can. Social butterfly. 

I don’t like chocolate. I’ve never tried coffee, but I hate the smell. I think cigarettes are disgusting. Oh and I’m totally not a cat girl. 

Boom.

Plenty of Fish has left me quite overwhelmed. All weekend I received emails, iPhone notifications — and I had this weird stalker-like desire to keep on looking at ‘who viewed me.’ The internet is a bizarre little land.

In 48 hours: 56 profile views, 17 requests to chat, 19 favourites, 24 inbox messages.

Like whoa. All of the inbox messages except two were actually well thought out, kind and pretty down to earth. But how the hell was I supposed to go on 20 dates now? Was I supposed to stalk them to narrow down the pool? And then move them over to text talking for the next week to shortlist them? So complicated. I know that people lie on POF and there for sure are those people who just join for sex and so on. But I do truly believe there are normal people out there just looking to date, meet new people — and maybe for love. The hard part is likely sorting through the garbage to find the gem.

There is a bit of system on POF. Girls put up their profile and then wait. Guys favourite you to show interest and then a few hours or a day later, they send you a message. You may or may not respond. If the guy puts in effort, he likely wants to meet you. If he’s written a one liner, he likely wants to sleep with you. If he requests to chat with you, lock your doors and shut your blinds.

A few reasons why online dating isn’t for me:

1. I spend a whole lot of my week online. The last thing I need is more online time.
2. I really enjoy face-to-face communication and getting to know someone traditionally. Call me old school. I like it.
3. I absolutely can’t stand when someone I’m dating online stalks me early in our relationship, so why would I want to build a relationship off of that.
4. It freaks me out that people use pictures who aren’t them and bios who don’t describe them.
5. POF’s ‘favourite’ strangely reminds me of Facebook’s ‘poke.’ Both are disturbing.
6. I don’t really believe in looking for a relationship. Love will come to me when it’s supposed to. No need to force it.

I get why POF {or similar} works for some people — I really do. All I know is that it isn’t for me right now. And I’m glad it only took me 48 hours to figure that out!

I am somewhat surprised by myself that I went along with this. I think the only reason I did was I thought — what do I have to lose? {I obviously wasn’t thinking about the super psycho that could have arrived at my doorstep! ;)}. I was in a super bad place the last week-ish and I needed that confidence boost — sometimes you just do. I put a lot of thought into my profile and writing it brought me more clarity about what I value in a relationship. Respect, communication, support — so important.

A few of the inbox messages made me smile and laugh. To the guy who wrote — “You have given me hope that there is down to earth, mature young women in this city. Thank you.” — you 100% made my heart full. :)  Two of the messages that made me totally laugh out loud…

The 33 year old construction worker:

Seriously do you talk ALOT? Under that impression, cause your write up is longer than the bible! I’m assuming you have many female friends where you talk and talk and talk and talk to for hooours… Right!?

So how are ya? Can u keep the response under a paragraph? ;)

The 29 year old ‘professional public speaker’ who’s interest was ‘making $$$’ …

Hiya babe, wanna run away 2gether?

And with that — profile deactivated. Apologies to the eligible bachelors that I led on with a profile. The good news is… there are many fish in the sea.

I’m back to my usual, balls to the wall, talk to much, take me or leave me self. At peace with me — which is exactly what’s important.

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”  - Marilyn Monroe

PS – Randomly found the profiles of 3 people I know from Twitter. Sent them dirty messages that likely made them uncomfortable. Why? Because I could. :)

Inhale, Exhale

It’s been a very long week and a bit. It feels like everything and nothing has happened all at the same time.

I move forward by writing. Writing gives me clarity.

One of the reasons I’m on this planet is education. I’m meant to teach — I know that. Usually that comes in the form of teaching in the classroom, mentoring youth, HR education — but sometimes it comes via my ramblings on this blog.

Over the last little while, I’ve let myself become devalued and destroyed by someone else’s actions. I felt controlled, punished and unimportant. I let myself slip into a downward slope of the blame game — “I did this. This is my fault.”

Soon enough the tears passed, I found an ounce of hope. Clarity came via the following:

You can’t control others’ acts,

but you can control your reaction to their acts,

and that is what counts most to YOU.

He made decisions that I didn’t understand. In retrospect, I’m not even sure I did anything wrong. I was me. Full on, highs and lows, talks a lot, take me or leave me… ME.

Where I’m at fault is that I let his behaviour get to me. That’s not his problem… it’s mine. {Insert whole load of self-reflection and big time learning}.

After a substantial amount of sleep, friend love and reflection, here’s what I know…

You deserve to be treated with dignity, value and respect. Yep, DESERVE. If that’s not being met, then you need to walk away and never look back.

Communication is key. It doesn’t matter if you have something good or bad to say — take the time you need… then say it, always.

Treat others how you want to be treated.

Build relationships on friendship and trust.

Vulnerability isn’t a weakness — it’s a strength.

And — everything happens for a reason.

Moving. Forward.

 

Everyone has a Story

I’m generally balls to the walls transparent with what I’m thinking, doing, involved in, etc. My past, the present… all of it is open book. The truth is, I’m transparent to a point.

Why? It’s safe.

I’ve been hurt. I don’t want to be hurt again.

I’m no therapist, but I think this is typical normal person behaviour. A lot of people keep a side of them hidden — the bad habit, the not so great part of their life, the childhood moment they just never got over. {This is me rationalizing that I am not actually a crazy person.}

It’s a late Monday night {or early morning} and I’m sitting here feeling both blessed and frustrated. Blessed because I have some absolutely incredible men in my life these days. Men I am proud to call my friend. Men I have mad respect for. {Yes I also have some super solid girlfriends too, but these men have been an exceptional presence over the last few weeks!}. Frustrated because I gave myself ‘Terrible Leader of the Year’ Award tonight — which is a whole other story.

I haven’t blogged in almost 3 weeks. A lot has happened. A whole lot of good has happened.

So what’s the point of this post?

I don’t want to feel that I’m hiding something. I want to feel like I can be me.

Take me or leave me.

What’s the worst that will happen? Someone will delete me as a friend, avoid me, shut me out of their life? Ahhh…. hasta la vista baby. I couldn’t give a damn. What’s the best? Someone will absolutely relate — and maybe feel like they two can have a voice. Maybe even someone will learn something.

{DEEP BREATH}

A few years ago, I was sexually assaulted by a boyfriend.

There I said it.

And yes A BOYFRIEND. He must have been out of his mind.

I pretended it didn’t happen for a year and then I was forced to come clean.

Who did I come clean to? The next boyfriend. The only person I had to.

Why has this all come to light?

Devon Brooks, a bright light, love bandit, mover and shaker {that I am blessed to call my friend} recently told everyone her story. Soak up every word in WE Vancouver. I admire Devon — like mucho respect. She is a force to be reckoned with and I have so much admiration for her telling her story.

Ever since Devon first told her story in the spring at TEDxKidsBC and then again, in the paper… it’s been gnawing at me. Devon is incredible open and so beyond her years. I started thinking about why I haven’t been able to come clean. Do I have all sorts of issues? Do I still pretend that it never happened? Do I care too much about what people think of me?

I don’t know if I know the answer.

All I know is what happened. And I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.

The scary truth:

• 80-85% of rapists are known to the adult they attack
• 50% of sexual assaults occur in or around a woman’s home
• 27% of women whose sexual assault met the legal definition of rape thought of themselves as rape victims

I write for me — always. I write for clarity. My blog is my diary. Almost always I write thinking that I’m a crazy person and that no one in a million years would relate or understand. Over the last 10 years I’ve learned that many of us are living the same story — maybe in different countries, different exact situations — but it’s the same. In the past year, I’ve had 4,876 hits on my October 2010 blog post “A Voice“. I’m presuming the strong majority have come through Google. Young girls {lets hope} searching terms like ‘young woman breast cancer’, ‘young girl fuck cancer’ and ’bruised breast’. I told my story for many reasons — but a primary one was because when I was searching for information, I couldn’t find anyone’s story. I couldn’t find anyone who was going through what I went through.

I am putting this out to the world because you need to know… you’re not alone.

Everyone has a story.

Speak up.

PS – Thank you to D for the constant support, light and love. Thank you for the post. Thank you for listening.

Beauty and her Walls

Last night I had a conversation that went something like this:

Me: Hi boyfriend!

Him: Hi beauty! {actually it was “kid” but beauty sounds way better}

<< Insert random cute chit chat >>

Him: You’re a heartbreaker.

Me: Oui.

Him: Trust is hardball with you. Why the walls?

<< Insert heavy discussion >>

<< And more >>

<< And more >>

Aye.

Earlier this year I blogged on men, relationships and trust. Two to Tango was the topic… and I touched on dating, emotional baggage, crazy women, crazy men and moving on. It generally takes me a long time to write each post — and that one took me an exceptionally long time. It was an opportunity to reflect on my past relationships, learn from the past and close a chapter. Reflecting and writing is how I move forward.

This guy {who isn’t actually my boyfriend by the way} pegged me exactly right. He saw right through my texts and right into my heart. He read my mind and called me out on my shit {which by the way… that’s super refreshing}. In a few sentences, I downloaded my baggage {call it whatever you want, it’s still baggage}… promised him I wasn’t actually crazy… and hoped for the best.

If I trust you, I’ll tell you anything. I’ll tell you the good, the bad, the awesome and the overwhelming.

Everyone has history. Everyone has baggage. Everyone has that thing that sticks with them.

Don’t let your baggage define you.

This guy told me it’s really quite simple:

People want to love you. 

All you gotta do is let them in.

Assuming ” the Boyfriend” still reads my blog and hasn’t unsubscribed yet… :)  Thank you for pushing me.  Thank you for listening. Thank you for showing me the light.

Thank you for being you.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

In other news, my super amazing and super pregnant friend, Jen, sent me this song this week:

SUPER LOVE for Ed Sheeran.

Like so much so that I have listened to Wake Me Up 112 times this week …just might be a crazy card actually.

PS – Also a fan of Drunk and Small Bump. Enjoy.

Two to Tango

What’s life without learning?

I’ve learned a lot about men, myself and relationships over the last few years. I’ve 100% learned what I don’t want — I’ve learned some of my deal breakers {no they’re not crazy girl deal breakers – like physical attributes or material things, instead big things like abuse, cheating, jealousy and smoking}.

I’ve learned what I value — and perhaps, need, in relationships.

I used to date or be in a relationship because of convenience. I was single, he was interesting. Ok! Let’s go! I honestly didn’t put a lot of thought into the whole process. I didn’t do the — OMG. I am like totally in love with you. OMG. You won’t believe what he said. HE TEXTED ME. OMG. Ahh. I can’t believe this. This is like MAGIC. My life is COMPLETE.

It’s not you, it’s me? Perhaps.

I can’t blame the guys… {ok some were total douchebags and deserve full blame}. But at the end of the day, I really didn’t put in the effort.

It takes two to tango.

Before you knew it — the relationship would crash, burn and die. I would be left with battle wounds — and probably baggage of a relationship gone wrong. These relationships were transactions. I was arm candy and someone different than he was used to dating. He gave me routine. The relationships were one-sided and I was always apologizing for not being around/available/attentive enough.

I had lost interest before the relationship even began.

As I aged — and perhaps matured — my new approach was keeping everything hidden away inside and forcing a guy to break down the walls. FYI – such a bad idea {Any guy who has ever had to deal with a girl like this knows what I’m talking about}. It wasn’t about playing games — it was a way to protect myself.

By breaking down the walls, it showed me that he cared enough to go to battle. It was all about trust.

People fuck up relationships all the time. They get too friendly with a cute something something at the bar, fall out of love, spend more time on wealth than health and the list goes on. Forcing a guy to break down walls and you being a pansy little girl fucks up relationships too.

Soon enough — I was broken again. But this time in a way that I actually cared. I had given my heart to men who I trusted. That’s a totally different ball game then transactional dating you didn’t really give a shit about.

So I know what you’re thinking? … Get over it. Every other girl is broken-hearted. Life happens right?

Here’s what I know…

If you pretend it didn’t happen, it still happened. 

Everything in life shapes you into the person you are today.

Forgive — but don’t forget. {So easy to say, so hard to do.}

There have been many things happen in my life that I’m not particularly proud of.

Life happens. Shit happens.

You make a mistake — just don’t make it again. 

If I kept everything that has happened over the past few years bundled up inside me, I’d be a total nut case. 100% balls to the wall crazy. Instead — I openly talk about my past, I write and spend time reflecting on relationships asking myself what I learned. It’s easy to focus on the bad… aka I learned that you’re a total douchebag! But what good does thinking about the bad do for your mind? Nothing at all. One of my exes taught me a lot about music — and one taught me the importance of sleep and worked with me to get from 5 hours to a solid 8 a night for a year {huge feat!} — another who taught me that I don’t have to be ‘on’ all the time and I can just be me.

All of those things affected my life and years later still affect my day-to-day. And you know what? I’m totally grateful. Yes, I’m grateful for the douchebags! Ha. Who would have thought!

About a week ago I was chatting with a good friend {and mentor} of mine and he said — “How’s the boys?” My immediate reaction was to laugh. And then I said — “I’m bored to death by nearly every guy in my dating life.”

I didn’t even pause, I just said it. Whoa. Did that just come out of my mouth? Cover your ears. Cover your mouth. Who does this girl thinks he is? 

I immediately said — “That’s bitchy isn’t it?” And he said – ”It’s self-respectfully specific.” Ha. And then he changed the topic. :)

The conversation left me with a lot to think about.

Questions that went over and over in my head… Is that the truth? Do I really feel that way? I wondered if I was setting the bar too high… if I was creating expectations that someone wouldn’t be able to achieve.

Well guess what! I figured it out.

All I want is to be challenged. I don’t want to be bored. And I think that’s fair game. 

I’m tired of:

1. What is HR again? I don’t really understand. {… The management of an organization’s workforce. People. I work with people.}
2. How’s recruiting going? That’s what you do right? {… HR does not equal recruiting, but sometimes yes, I recruit.}
3. Why do you work so much? Your boss must be an asshole. {… I love what I do. I also like my boss.}
4. What’s this ‘board’ thing you’re doing? It takes up so much of your time. {… Board of Directors experience provides me with an opportunity to develop my skills, become a better leader and give back to the community. Obviously.}
5. Why are you volunteering again? {… If you have to ask, you should probably get out their and find a charity to work with}.
6. I can’t wait to watch TV and do nothing for the next 5 hours. {… Really? I’d rather nap. Can I nap?}
7. OMG you won’t believe what happened to Britney. {… This question is made up, but I think you get the point.}

This isn’t about ‘Are you smarter than your girlfriend?’ — this is about being on the same page as someone, understanding why they do what they do, and why it matters. I don’t have the faintest clue about Hunger Games, the world’s obsession with macaroons or why people watch basketball. I tend to talk in hockey games. I know more about pogs {throwback} then I do the latest video game.

I don’t know everything. Shock. Awe.  

If you tell me that you want to understand what I do — like you really want to understand. I will tell you — and you will get it. It’s not that complicated. But half listening means you probably don’t want to understand and will never get it. Resistance and distance in relationships grows when you’re not interested in learning. If you care for a person, you should care about what matters to them.

I think that your partner should push you to grow — and vice versa. The two of you together should be even more of a powerhouse then when you were flying solo. You both brought something to the table — so put it to use. Teach each other. Improve each other.

Be better together.

For the most part I have zero tolerance in my life for anyone who doesn’t have a quality or trait that I respect and look up to. It’s not a matter of — FRIEND DELETE. WE ARE DONE. It’s more like — You’re awesome, I’m awesome, but we’re headed in two total different directions. I wish you the best of luck. I have no time of day for negative Nancy’s, evil robots and cry babies.

Life happens. Shit happens. Figure it out — and move forward. 

Focus on quality over quantity. How many people have your back? How many people would call if you needed them?

I’m black and white when it comes to friendships, but I haven’t been with men in my life. I let them sit in grey area. I tolerate behaviour that I normally wouldn’t put up with in friendships. They want to spend the weekend doing the usual, but I’d rather learn about a new part of the city, try a new restaurant or go on an adventure. They shut the door on work at 5pm on Friday because ‘thank god the week is over’ — if you love what you do, you should want to talk about it. I go on a date and the subject of conversation is drunken expeditions, my friends are drama and I’m so tired of my job. All I really want to be talking about is what’s going on in the community, global change, the latest travel blog and how we’re going to change the world. I leave the conversation more stressed out then when I arrived.

These types of people aren’t bad — they’re just not me. I want more.

Surround yourself with who you want to become.

You should be able to look at your partner and say — I love that they’re like that. I respect who they are as a person. I can’t wait to see what we will create. You are full of love. You give more than they take. I love the good — and the bad. You are my world.

At last, it’s time to close a chapter. A chapter of transactional dating, brick walls and bullshit.

So here we go:

I’m done with games.

I’m done with being #2.

I’m done with waiting until you figure it out.

I’m done with being bored.

I’m done with wasting my time.

It’s not you, it’s me.

I’ve moved on.

Game Over

People always say — follow your gut.

But then why don’t we do it?

In this case, I’m talking about men. More specifically, the bad boy.

Most of my girlfriends are either attracted to the oh-so-bad-but-oh-so-good one or they play it safe with mr-wholesome. Next to never they hit middle ground.

When they have the bad boy, they want the good boy — and vice versa. Kinda like the debate over curly hair or straight hair, and bangs or no bangs. :)

The bad boy swoops in and consumes your life. Energy, tension, passion… they all keep you wanting more. You know he isn’t anything near ‘the one’, yet you still lust for him. You can’t get him out of your life. You create more space for him in your life.

Your head says no and your heart says maybe… maybe, just maybe we can make it work.

One day he will change.
One day he will treat you with respect.
One day he will appreciate you.

But then he does something that crosses the line.

And it’s game over.

 

Get Creative or Get Out

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a really long time… but it took Valentine’s Day to bring it back top of mind.

Every so often I write a ranting blog post about “crazy women.” You know those women… whiny, dramatic, jealous, obsessive and {worst of all} needy. They give me the shivers. The women who check his phone to see who he’s been texting. The women who go on three dates and then assume they’re in a long-term relationship. The women who talk roses and babies before hobbies and allergies. The women who ditch their friend circle so that they can spend time with him. The women who pretend to be someone they’re not, just to please him. The women who say things like — you’re the best sugar, you’ll always be my baby. [Puke.] The women who get cheated on and throw all the things that remind her of him off the balcony. Ok fine, that last one was me. ;) Moving on…

Well today is about crazy men. The kind of men who propose on Christmas Day, Valentine’s Day or any other day of the year that already has a meaning attached to it.

I consider myself to be well-rounded, fairly open-minded and I’m only ‘crazy woman’ a few times a year. {No incidents in 2012 yet!} I have dated my share of bad news bears, good guy/bad timing and what-was-I-thinking. I have a diverse group of friends and family. Some of my friends are married or engaged, others single. My best friend is a guy. I know there are people reading this who are thinking… how can she write about this when it hasn’t happened to her?

Well let me tell you this… every time I see a holiday engagement announced on Facebook, a little bit of my heart dies. Yep it shrivels up inside and takes about 15 mins to come back to beating and love-filled. When it does… it screams from my chest:

What the hell was he thinking?

For real.

A {strength and} weakness of mine is transparency. I tend to tell people what I think… and sometimes it ends in a heated debate. For example: last year I blogged on why I think Valentine’s Day is stupid and I had a load of “crazy women” {…let’s assume} send me hate mail. So anyways if a dude every proposes to me on any freakin’ holiday, any almost a holiday, my birthday, his birthday, my mom’s birthday {4/20, Columbine, Hitler’s Birthday}, his mom’s birthday, February 29, some cutesy date (ie. 12/12/12 etc}… I’m calling it quits.

That’s right. Quits.

Holiday proposals are the worst. It’s almost like… “Oh hey… I was thinking of proposing to my girlfriend. I bought a ring. I’m pumped man. Well when should I do it? Christmas is coming. That’ll be perfect.”

Um. No.

To start with, it’s absolutely the most unoriginal engagement ever. I don’t care if you dress up in a frickin’ Santa suit and get a team of reindeer… a holiday engagement is not going to gain you any points. In my opinion, piggy backing on a holiday shows convenience {insert boo’s from every guy who has ever proposed during this time ha ha…} and who wants to marry the dude who took the easy route?

On another note, why do people think its important to propose in front of your family or friends? I get it if it’s religion or culture related… but I’m positive it sets a hell of a lot of expectation for the girl to say – YES, oh baby YES. Pressure and expectation created by your significant other should not come into play during engagements. You both should be deliriously happy. Your engagement is about the two of you. No one else. If there are questions, concerns or uneasiness… they should be addressed, not ignored {which is what will happen if people are present.} Can you imagine what would happen to the ending of The Bachelor if they had the chick’s family waiting at the end of every season finale? A hell of a lot more YES I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you …{and an increase in quick divorces}.

{Family Proposal Exception: The scene in Love Actually where the guy proposes to the girl in the restaurant in front of her family in her mother tongue… he got points for sure.}

I can’t speak for every girl in this world (and definitely not the crazies)… but there is a lot to be said about being both creative and compassionate. I believe a lot of guys propose on holidays because they don’t know when they should propose. I think that if you don’t know… then don’t do it. Also if you’re web-savvvvy ;) and Google “when should I propose” the Internet will also tell you… don’t propose on a holiday.

If you know her well enough to want to spend the rest of your life with her then I definitely think you’ll know what’ll make her heart swoon and jump with love-filled joy. Don’t focus on making it elaborate or expensive — just make it special and a memory that the two of you can hold onto for years to come.

Make a date yours. 

I have never planned out or thought about my engagement, wedding or future — and my girlfriends and I don’t sit around talking about the topic. We’re all like-minded and go with the flow in regards to relationships. We know that one day the right one will walk along and he’ll think holiday engagements are just as stupid as we do.

If a guy were to propose to me tomorrow… all I would hope is that he would think outside the box. Or at the very least… propose over pancakes. As he would know they are my absolute favourite thing in the world. ;)

PS – When I am somewhere near engagement territory {probably in 2045}… please send the dude this post. Let’s hope the Internet still exists then.

Instant Marriage Cred

I have a lot of respect for people who master execution:

This young man deserves his 3 million hits on YouTube. Well done Brian.

PS – Not a fan of Justin Bieber. Love people who haul ass and get shit done.

a revelation

It’s 7:45pm and I’m laying on the couch in a tank and panties watching Kimora Lee [Don't worry... the Kardashian's is on next! ;)]. I have a hospital bracelet on my left arm and IV track marks on my right.

I have an overwhelming feeling of disgusting.

They tell me I’m legally impaired. No driving for 24 hours — but also I can’t ride a horse, use a food processor, buy a house or get married. Yes, those (plus so much more) are listed in the document they gave me. :/

So what happened?

Today I had an endoscopy to determine if I have celiac disease (allergy to gluten). Woop! Celiac runs in my family, so the docs wanted to do their due diligence to ensure that I don’t have it.

I arrive at the hospital this morning to quicky have an IV put in and soon enough I was in the procedure room. They hook you up on oxygen, give you a bite tray and then anesthesia… which means bye bye bye. The specialist sends a camera down your throat/belly/intestines and I think they go searching for creatures. :)

About 90 mins later they woke me up and forced me to drink and eat. The tube forces you go collect a little extra air so they want to make sure swallowing and all that is good. I just kept on giving them a death glare and then they said “You sure like the drugs don’t you?” Why yes I do.

So anyways I’ve been home about 7 hours and slept most of the afternoon away. I am totally whiney and need a hug. I feel both exhausted and hungover.

But WAIT… all of a sudden, I had a revelation…

If you experience health issues while single, you are way less likely to get divorced when you’re married.

Think about it… any type of health disease/disorder, procedure or process generally means “sick.” Sick usually means whiney and needy. Whiney and needy is the end of the world in relationships!

So I’m onto something right?

Yes, I’ve had Scoliosis surgery and a lumpectomy. But I’ve also has my wisdom teeth out and now this nasty endoscopy.

Check it out. Less things for my significant other to be pained through!

All I’m really missing out on experiencing is appendicitis and a broken bone. Then I would be set!

By going for an endoscopy, I must be a hotter commodity in this market.

That must be true.

Signed, Independent Woman

[Typed while horizontal from my iPhone]

PS: My current mental state is undetermined. ;) T-12 hrs until drug free!

blue valentine

Months behind the masses, I finally had a chance to watch Blue Valentine.

Did this film make the whole planet sad?

I think so.

Empty?

Likely.

Something to think about…

Dean: “I feel like men are more romantic than women. When we get married we marry, like, one girl, ’cause we’re resistant the whole way until we meet one girl and we think I’d be an idiot if I didn’t marry this girl she’s so great. But it seems like girls get to a place where they just kinda pick the best option… ‘Oh he’s got a good job.’ I mean they spend their whole life looking for Prince Charming and then they marry the guy who’s got a good job and is gonna stick around. “

Know a man and woman who think like this? Me too. :/

Movies are often built on fairy tales. This movie was built on real life — the raw truth of so many relationships.

Random things in life keep on reinforcing the fact that I need to hold onto my high expectations — that it will be detrimental for me to lose sight of them. In the last 18 months I have learned so much more than I ever imagined about men, relationships and what’s important to me. Last month I spent a few hours with an exceptional person. We were on the topic of relationships and he said, “I’m not looking for a passenger, I’m looking for a co-pilot. Someone who will continually motivate and inspire me to be the best person I can be.” The thought of a couple continually driving each other to be their best selves absolutely warms my heart. In fact, I would be surprised if I settled for anything less.

With love. Real love. Me. ❤