An Experiment

After losing myself in the last few weeks and pulling myself together again, a friend challenged me to start dating. Like seriously dating. Like putting effort in and getting out there — to date. I really don’t enjoy dating, it’s never been my thing. If it was my choice, I’d like to zoom {like Jetsons zoom} straight from “yeah there is a spark” to “oh look you’re my boyfriend!”. Maybe I could just hire a body double to go through those first few months. All of that garbage in the early days where people play games, communicate half-ass with each other, and don’t put themselves out there as much as they should… drives me… bananas.

The thought was that I needed to gain my confidence back… to get back in the mindset of … yes, I am a catch — and if you don’t think so, you can go to hell. ;) We’re a long way from there… let me tell you. Aye.

So anyways I was challenged to consider Plenty of Fish. Yeah I know… REALLY? I have never online dated — and really never felt the need. I am super social, always out and about, and meet new people all the time. I have always thought of POF as the site where people go in search for sex. I used to work with a girl who told us horror stories every week of the bizarro men she dated from the internet. And hell I have enough trouble with creepos from Twitter!

I like to be put out of my comfort zone… well love/hate relationship. I know that being put outside of my comfort zone is a good thing. I was totally shut off to POF — so I knew that I had to do it. Kinda similar to when I forced myself to go skydiving.

On Friday night I sat facing the POF username box and thought what will my name be… I then spent an hour writing my profile, picked out pictures and before you knew it, a profile had been created. Quite a bit of work to make it reflect me, but now it was up! So what do I do, do I wait? Do I stalk dudes and approach them?

Instead I stalked girls my age to see who my competition was… ha ha.. and then I told myself I was allowed to delete my profile on Sunday. This little weekend ‘experiment’ would throw me into the world of ‘fishing’ for a mate — and perhaps give me a confidence boost.

My profile:

Earlier tonight I was at Kits Pool chatting with a girlfriend and she talked me into signing up for POF. I was all like — there is no way in hell I’m signing up. Never online dated, never felt the need to. She told me about her online dating experience and how many down-to-earth guys she met — continually reinforcing that not everyone online was a dirtbag. :)

So here I am! Lordy loo.

Where to start? Where to start? 

I moved to Vancouver last August. Born and raised in BC — but I’ve called Calgary home the last 8 years {don’t judge me}. Calgary served me well {university, career opportunities}, but I hated the city. I miss three things — my favourite restaurant {Taste}, my favourite coffee shop {for tea… Insomnia}, and my best guy friend {Aaron}. That’s. It. Oh wait… one more… two little girls named Sydney and Paige. I was a nanny throughout my university girls and practically raised these two. I think of them as sisters. Awe. 

Moving on… 

I LOVE VANCOUVER. Like to the moon and back. Moving here was one of the best decisions of my life. I love to explore and still have so much to see. I love to write and sip tea at Cafe Milano, devour pescado tacos at La Taqueria, drinks at the Keefer, farmers markets on the weekends and running on the seawall. I love the rain. I love the sun. I love to adventure out of the city, whether it be up the Grouse Grind {love/hate relationship}, a weekend in Whistler or taking the float plane over to Vancouver Island. 

I’m extremely committed to my career — and by that I mean pretty Type A, often intense and a high achiever. Most of my week is focused on HR consulting in the tech industry. Outside of the usual… I mentor youth, teach in universities, run a local non-profit, sit on a few advisory boards and heavily involved in the community.

I’m busy — but who isn’t these days…! I’m a big believer in making time for those that are important to you!

What am I looking for? 

I’ve got no idea to be honest. Perhaps to be pleasantly surprised by someone? It might be as simple as that. I’m a big believer in everything happens for a reason. For whatever reason I signed up to this POF beast tonight — and perhaps I’ll be frightened off by the end of the weekend.. not too sure! :) A few things I know for sure… respect, communication and support are huge for me. If I trust you, I tell you everything. I’m transparent and say what I’m thinking. I give more than I take — and friendship means the world to me.

I’m not into wasting my time — when you’re self-employed, time is money baby! I don’t date for the sake of dating. I don’t get into relationships with people I’m not interested in. I don’t spend time with people I don’t like. Space is critical to a successful relationship. I don’t deal well with needy, jealous or possessive people — let alone men. If you’re insecure, peace the hell out now. Be confident, not an arrogant asshole. Check your ego at the door — and do your best to keep mine in check. 

I 100% live by — ‘surround yourself with who you want to become.’

Substance is important to me. Regardless of your passion, you’ve gotta stand for something.

What to end with… so much pressure…. 

Live downtown, work downtown. Walk everywhere. Travel as much as I possibly can. Social butterfly. 

I don’t like chocolate. I’ve never tried coffee, but I hate the smell. I think cigarettes are disgusting. Oh and I’m totally not a cat girl. 

Boom.

Plenty of Fish has left me quite overwhelmed. All weekend I received emails, iPhone notifications — and I had this weird stalker-like desire to keep on looking at ‘who viewed me.’ The internet is a bizarre little land.

In 48 hours: 56 profile views, 17 requests to chat, 19 favourites, 24 inbox messages.

Like whoa. All of the inbox messages except two were actually well thought out, kind and pretty down to earth. But how the hell was I supposed to go on 20 dates now? Was I supposed to stalk them to narrow down the pool? And then move them over to text talking for the next week to shortlist them? So complicated. I know that people lie on POF and there for sure are those people who just join for sex and so on. But I do truly believe there are normal people out there just looking to date, meet new people — and maybe for love. The hard part is likely sorting through the garbage to find the gem.

There is a bit of system on POF. Girls put up their profile and then wait. Guys favourite you to show interest and then a few hours or a day later, they send you a message. You may or may not respond. If the guy puts in effort, he likely wants to meet you. If he’s written a one liner, he likely wants to sleep with you. If he requests to chat with you, lock your doors and shut your blinds.

A few reasons why online dating isn’t for me:

1. I spend a whole lot of my week online. The last thing I need is more online time.
2. I really enjoy face-to-face communication and getting to know someone traditionally. Call me old school. I like it.
3. I absolutely can’t stand when someone I’m dating online stalks me early in our relationship, so why would I want to build a relationship off of that.
4. It freaks me out that people use pictures who aren’t them and bios who don’t describe them.
5. POF’s ‘favourite’ strangely reminds me of Facebook’s ‘poke.’ Both are disturbing.
6. I don’t really believe in looking for a relationship. Love will come to me when it’s supposed to. No need to force it.

I get why POF {or similar} works for some people — I really do. All I know is that it isn’t for me right now. And I’m glad it only took me 48 hours to figure that out!

I am somewhat surprised by myself that I went along with this. I think the only reason I did was I thought — what do I have to lose? {I obviously wasn’t thinking about the super psycho that could have arrived at my doorstep! ;)}. I was in a super bad place the last week-ish and I needed that confidence boost — sometimes you just do. I put a lot of thought into my profile and writing it brought me more clarity about what I value in a relationship. Respect, communication, support — so important.

A few of the inbox messages made me smile and laugh. To the guy who wrote — “You have given me hope that there is down to earth, mature young women in this city. Thank you.” — you 100% made my heart full. :)  Two of the messages that made me totally laugh out loud…

The 33 year old construction worker:

Seriously do you talk ALOT? Under that impression, cause your write up is longer than the bible! I’m assuming you have many female friends where you talk and talk and talk and talk to for hooours… Right!?

So how are ya? Can u keep the response under a paragraph? ;)

The 29 year old ‘professional public speaker’ who’s interest was ‘making $$$’ …

Hiya babe, wanna run away 2gether?

And with that — profile deactivated. Apologies to the eligible bachelors that I led on with a profile. The good news is… there are many fish in the sea.

I’m back to my usual, balls to the wall, talk to much, take me or leave me self. At peace with me — which is exactly what’s important.

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”  - Marilyn Monroe

PS – Randomly found the profiles of 3 people I know from Twitter. Sent them dirty messages that likely made them uncomfortable. Why? Because I could. :)